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Diatribe 4 – If Michael Cheika was Donald Trump of Rugby (If?)

Parody Image – Fake News

We’re at a press conference…… Michael walks in …..

CHEIKA: What a crowd.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEIKA: And just so you know there aren’t too many people protesting the Wallabies or ARU, OK. That I can tell you.

(APPLAUSE)

Well, I’m thrilled to be back in New Zealand, in the great area of Christchurch, in the face of our opposition. We’ve done so well here this year. Sometimes it’s a shaky start….

(APPLAUSE), (Rapture over the excellent joke)

With so many thousands of wonderful Wallabies fans.

(APPLAUSE)

It is incredible.

The crowds were so big last week, almost as big as they will be Saturday, that the people said right at the beginning, you know, there’s something special happening here. And we went to centre stage with our performance and we love that. We love centre stage

(APPLAUSE)

But we went to centre stage and we never left, right? All of us, we did it together.

I will never forget that last game. We scored four tries. Four. Four. Incredible

(APPLAUSE)

And I’m here tonight to send a message: We are fully and totally committed to fighting for our agenda, and we will not stop until the job is done. Australian Rugby, played by Australians, like Australians. Incredible.

(APPLAUSE)

This weekend, joined together with friends, we reaffirm our shared traditions and values. We love our country. We celebrate our Rugby. We embrace our playing style. We respect our defensive patterns. We are proud of our history. But we don’t look back. There’s nothing to learn when we’re doing such a great job.

(APPLAUSE)

It is finally time to rebuild our Wallabies, to take care of our players, and to fight for the four super rugby teams left that  our great Aussie players deserve, and that’s what we’re doing.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEIKA: After our amazing game last weekend, we realise we’ve not forgotten the Western… umm.. Western Australians team. Them, not forgotten…..

(APPLAUSE)

Did anybody watch last Weekend? Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

When one part of the Wallabies hurts, we all hurt. And when one Wallaby suffers an misjudgement of position, all of Australia suffers together. We’re all together.

It’s time for us to follow the example of our brave Women Rugby players and remember them winning the sevens….

(APPLAUSE)

No matter where they come from, no matter what game they practice, they form a single unbreakable team. That’s what we are. We’re a team. As a nation, we’re a team. Forget the NRL and AFL, losers. We’re the team. We are followed by everyone and the most loved.

(APPLAUSE)

But the very dishonest media, those people right up there with all the cameras. They are the ones pointing out the score, the defensive tangles, the reality. Fake news.

(BOOING)

So the — and I mean truly dishonest people in the media and the fake media, they make up stories. They have no sources in many cases. They say “a source says” — there is no such thing. But they don’t report the facts. Just like they don’t want to report that we scored four tries against the All Blacks. If they had not scored 54, then we would have won.

(APPLAUSE)

I openly called for unity, healing and Australian Rugby, incredible, and they know it because they were all there. So what I did —

(APPLAUSE)

I thought, Simmons. He’s the guy. The one.

(APPLAUSE)

Foley, the Iceman, lets hide him behind Folau. Nice guy that.

(APPLAUSE)

So let’s talk about  Saturday. The team is wonderful. They train so well. They are confident and can really tell you that they are training well, so you know I am not lying. They train well, wonderful. We even have little dolls that look like the All Blacks to tackle and stuff. It’s wonderful.

(APPLAUSE)

So, I said here’s my — this is — by the way folks, this is my exact words: ” We’re going to make the Wallabies great again, but we’re going to make it greater than great. All Blacks who???”

(APPLAUSE)

(APPLAUSE)

You’re seen it. You’ve lived it, and you picked  me to put a stop to it. And we are doing a phenomenal job of putting a stop to it. That I can tell you. The Bledisloe is almost ours. Hooper tells you we’re going to Win, Folau says it’s time, Arnold says…. Oh yeah, Arnold…. Simmons says we’ll win. Make us great again. How can you fake news people report otherwise?

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you Australia.. Thank you. Thank you

(PARODY BY ROB MARTIN )

Well folks, here we have it. They turn bizarre into weird in one moment. Simmons? The lack of any idea about how the Australian paying public feels is incredible. Ha Ha, incredible.

Dane Coles is back and Franks is out. A deep dive back into NZ depth. Wallabies had a good platform, but it might have been a Franks issue that caused that initial set of problems for the AB’s there. Look for a more consistent performance end to end for the AB’s

Prediction: The All Blacks should really tear them a new one. But…… well, nothing is off the table now.

Argentina Vs South Africa

More of the same. Boks to win easily. I hope they shore up some of that loose defence from the first game. The All Blacks will have a field day with that. I guess there’s a significant difference between seeing and issue and dealing with it.